Last night I had the most unsatisfying dream ever.
I dreamt that somebody loved me.
And even though we were right in front of each other, talking with each other, laughing and just hanging out having the time of our lives… there was still nowhere for us to go to be alone together.
Let me set the scene:
Picture a warehouse divided up into rooms. Very industrial. Doors closed. Nothing fancy. And the lights are all out because it’s late at night. So everything looks gray.
But behind each of the doors was life. And people. And activity. It was very much like a dormitory, with rooms filled with beds where people were sleeping. And other rooms that were like lounges where people could just sit and talk. And a courtyard where you could scrunch the grass between your toes and gaze at the stars.
And that’s where we began… he and I standing together under the stars, holding hands. Happy. Happy enough, in fact, to want to see where such happiness could lead.
So we went inside to find a sofa to sit on for a chat. Only, we had to do it in secret because we weren’t “supposed” to be talking with each other at all. It wasn’t allowed for some reason. Not for anyone else. Just us. WE were not allowed.
So whenever anyone approached us, we had to pretend we didn’t know each other was there… and sneak off in secret to the next place to meet up again. Room by room, looking for a vacant place where we could be ourselves without interruption. But no such luck.
Every single time we sat down together, someone walked in. So we would leave that room and go to the next one… and the next one… and the next one. Until finally we found a place — kind of like a library with shelves everywhere — that we felt certain would be the perfect place where no one would find us. It was dark and cozy and…
As soon as we sat beside each other, a door opened… a light switch was flicked on… and drama students with manuscripts in their hands started wandering in for a late-night play rehearsal.
So, we stood up and walked out together and then, defeated, just knelt down and sat together, facing each other, in the hallway — while people who should have been sleeping, or off doing other things in general, were passing by everywhere around us.
And that’s when I realized the reality of the situation. There was never going to be anywhere for us to be unless one of us just realized THIS is where we belonged. Not separate. Together. Everywhere, anywhere, no matter who else was there. Regardless of the venue. Regardless of all of the people and their perceptions. Regardless of noise or light and dark and other things happening around us.
So I reached out for him… with both hands… and held his face for a moment… and then I leaned in and kissed him right then and there. For all the world to see.
Because who cares about all the people around us and being in the wrong place at the wrong time anymore. We were right there with each other in that moment. So…
And that’s when he looked at me funny and said, “Umm… did you do that on purpose or by accident?” as if someone may have possibly pushed against me forcing me into his face as they walked past.
At that moment, I either burst out laughing or started banging my head against the wall. One or the other. Or both at the same time.
“ON PURPOSE,” I told him, looking straight into his eyes. “It was not a mistake. I… did… it… because… I… wanted… to.”
“Well,” he began thoughtfully, “this just got very interesting…”
And so we stood up holding hands together, warm and cozy, and walked off to try one more time to be together. And then…
My cat woke me up!
Seriously, I cannot even get anywhere with a man I love in my dreams…!